A Change in Perspective

I have been blessed with amazing children. Even so, I there was a period in my life where I went through a real struggle with my own self identity. The world likes to tell you that motherhood is not what defines success. It took time, and a change in my perspective about what it really means to be successful, for me to find contentment in motherhood. I came to understand that the world’s definition of success would not bring me the kind of happiness that I have found in my family. I finally realized that true success is finding true happiness.

Recently, I found myself discussing Ryan’s academic situation with my husband. He’s a very gifted student, but he’s also prone to do sloppy work because everything has been easy for him. We discussed different options for his academic future and how to be certain he achieves everything he is capable of. At one point, Nate dismissed a certain idea saying, “If we do that, he’ll end up like me.” He meant that Ryan would fall short of his true potential. (Nate has been so blessed academically that he never had to study, even in medical school. He simply wants his son to have to work hard for what he has.) But, the words were the start of a change in perspective for me.

My first reaction was shocking, I nodded my head to agree with Nate. But then I realized what I was doing. Why would I want anything more for my son than for him to turn out like his dad? Nate's is a good provider, a loving husband and father, and a worthy priesthood holder. He is everything I could hope for as a mother. Suddenly, I realized that I had changed my definition of success in my own life, but I was still enforcing the world’s standards on my children. I began to wonder if I was a whole lot better than those moms who put their toddler’s in beauty pageants or force them into talent agencies.

I turned to Nate and said, “We need to remember that our end goal is for Ryan to be happy, not to win a Nobel Prize.”

It’s a process. I know that helping my children their very best is important to helping them be happy. I want them to learn to work hard and excel. But I now try to take the time to ask myself whether I’m conforming to the world’s definition of success by forcing too much on my children. I realize that time with the family is more important than extra activities for a resume. I try to make family night, prayer and scripture study a priority, even when it interferes with all the other things my kids are doing. I’ve realized that sometimes saying “no” to a great opportunity is the better course of action. In the end, I just hope my kids can find the kind of happiness that I have found being their mom.