I have been struggling with how to teach my children about charity at Christmastime. I actually had a disagreement with another woman in my ward about whether or not giving to beggars on street corners sets a good example for your children. I don't think it does. Here in El Paso we have regulars. There are always the same people at the same corners with the same signs. I do not believe that giving these people money helps them one bit. It simply ensures that they stay at their corners with their signs. This being the case, I believe that those who give do it more for themselves than the beggars.
Of course there are a lot of good organizations that actually do find people in need and provide them with help. We have given to food banks and charities in the past. I talk to my children about tithing and fast offerings. But I wonder how much my kids really learn by seeing their mom hand over something to the poor and then lavish them with much more.
I shouldn't have worried about my kids knowing charity. This week I was presented with the opportunity learn what charity means. My sons became the teacher.
Getting Sean to do his daily chore is like pulling teeth. He wanders around the room he is instructed to clean for hours, allowing anything to distract him. But, starting last week, he had a new motivation. He came home with a flier for the school's Book Fair. Both he and Ryan poured over it for hours, deciding exactly which book they wanted to buy. Sean wanted a Star Wars book. It was $3.99. I told him that if he wanted the book, he had to earn the money before the book fair was over. I have given him various chances to do this. He always has to do his daily chore, but I have told him that if he does it within 20 minutes, he will earn a dollar. Suddenly, his work was getting done enthusiastically and quickly. He has also been given extra jobs to earn the money he wanted. We put a paper titled "Sean's Money" on the bulletin board. Each time he earned a dollar, I would write it on the paper. Sometimes he did the work and got the dollar. Sometimes he played around and didn't make it. As of last night, he had four dollars written on the paper. He had earned enough for his book.
This morning, he came to me and said, "Mom, I want to take one of my toys to school for toys for tots." He showed me another flier from the school, asking for donations. I pointed out that the flier said the toys needed to be new. He looked so sad.
I knew what I should say, but I had to drag the words out. It made me sick to my stomach to make him make the choice. I said, "Sean, you have four dollars. If you want, you could buy a toy with it, instead of a book. Do you want to do that?" He didn't hesitate. He nodded. I think it was harder on me than on him.
Ryan, who had also picked out a $3.99 book and earned the money to buy it, said, "If you buy the toy, I will get a book for us to share. Which book do you like?" He had agonized over which book he wanted. They both had. On the way to school today, I listened as Ryan committed to buy the book Sean wanted, instead of the one he had been saving for. They both wanted to know when I would take them to the store to buy the toy.
I suppose I didn't need to worry so much about teaching my children charity. I just had to wait for them to teach it to me.
